i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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