my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
