I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
