if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
