He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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