apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
