There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Dick very happy bro
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
