Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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