you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
