in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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