Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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