Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize