She is in my trunk
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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