not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
