Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
