the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
