That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
