I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Found the puke drawer
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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