I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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