Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
