clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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