I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
