I faked an abortion last night.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
