i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
