Pappa wants mamma naked
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
