Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
So many bounce houses so little time
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
