saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
