There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
