We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Boobs speak an international language.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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