I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
