I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
