So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She said her name was "party"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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