Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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