Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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