This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize