More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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