My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I wish I only lived at night.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
