At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
