Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
