Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
