I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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