Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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