Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
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