It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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