We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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