If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
