She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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