I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
