do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
