carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
