Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
