i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
