Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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