He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
