So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
