I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize