they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
