hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
