They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
