I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
