It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
