so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
