i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
