you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
