So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
