you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
