Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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