All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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