hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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