You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
