I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
