So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
