I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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