you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize