ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
