I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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