i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
