She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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