when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
