I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
