mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
