I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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